Inside the Lives of True Dumb Blondes
by BiG FoAm FiNgA SiStAs
Summary: A lovely story about Ashley and Brittney hosting their own show
1. Getting Off Subject in Truth or Dare

Inside the Life of True Dumb Blondes  
  
Chapter 1. Getting Off Subject in Truth or Dare  
  
::lights flash, bells ding, and two lovely blondes enter the room and sit on the bed::  
  
Ashley- A-Hyuck! So Britt-ney truthhhh or darrre?  
  
Brittney- Um..gee that's such a hard choice  
  
Ashley- Tell me about it! Like today, like I was trying to pick between like the blue jeans or the black ones!  
  
Brittney- And like what looks best with my eyes? Periwinkle blueness? Or Sapphire Romance?  
  
Ashley- Definitely a Sapphire..your eyes aren't Periwinkle  
  
Brittney- Hm.yeah I guess ::flips hair:: A-hyuck!  
  
Ashley- So anways!  
  
Brittney- Oh.how about truthhhh?  
  
Ashley- What was the worst hair day you ever had?  
  
Brittney- OMIGOSH NO WAY AM I TELLING YOU THAT  
  
Ashley- ::examining finger nails:: you picked truthhhh  
  
Brittney- but I don't want to bring back the AAWWWFFFUULLL memories!  
  
Ashley- we all have to sooner or later ::looks up to sky and says.:: WOW THAT WAS A PRETTY SMART THING FOR A DUMB BLONDE TO SAY  
  
Brittney- Well, I guess it's your turn, Ash.  
  
Ashley- Oh yeah!!! How about.... Darrrrrrre!!!!  
  
Brittney- So, like, I dare you to like go to school tomorrow wearing like, a baggy shirtttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ashley- OMIGOSH like NO WAY that would SOOO ruin my rep  
  
Brittney- reps aren't so important in high school...WHAT AM I SAYING OF COURSE THEY ARE! I'M SOOO SORRY I DARED YOU TO DO THAT!  
  
::they hug::  
  
Ashley- ::crying:: omigosh I soooo forgive you  
  
::suddenly a big static erupts::  
  
Ashley- oh no my earphones! ::yelling offstage:: LIKE BBRRAADDD! COME FIX IT!  
  
::a stout man runs onstage::  
  
Brad- Right away ma'am coming right away on the job you gals just go take a coffee break  
  
Brittney- okay  
  
Ashley- ::walking away and swiveling hips in a blonde-like manner:: like BBRREEETTT get me my like LATTE!  
  
Brittney- like WWWOOOWWW I can't believe you know Italian!  
  
Ashley- it's just a little something you get from dating a rich man.did I mention we're engaged?  
  
Brittney- like I have good memory and like I remember you saying you were in high schooooool  
  
Ashley- like.that's on the sshhoowww  
  
Brittney- ::blank stares::............we're on tv?  
  
Ashley- ::flips hair:: like DUH now run along dear dear and oh be a dear and fetch me my fur coat  
  
Brittney- ::blank stares::...........you have a fur coat?  
  
Ashley- ::makes that blonde-like "talk to the hand sound" ::  
  
Brittney- ::eyes roll back into head::  
  
::Brett runs by Brittney spilling latte::  
  
Brett- ASHLEYYYYYY  
  
Ashley- like not now I'm like getting a pedicure  
  
Brett- it's getting cold!!!!!  
  
Ashley- like then, put the lid on it dummy so the steam can't get out!  
  
Brett- you really are a blonde aren't you???  
  
Brittney- of course- it's natural!!!  
  
::Brett runs away screaming "they're taking over the planet!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Brittney- :: blank stares:: We live on a planet?? I thought we lived in the U S of A!!  
  
::Brittney taps person next to her and asks "do u even know what that stands for??"::  
  
::person runs away in fear::  
  
::Ashley comes running down the hall::  
  
Ashley- ::screaming:: HELP I CAN'T SEE THE TURTLE'S HEAD!!!!!! OMIGOSH WHAT'D I DOOOO???  
  
::Brittney runs into a wall:: .. ::and collapses::  
  
::Ashley runs into the same wall:: .. ::and collapses::  
  
::some freako announcer dude comes in front of camera::  
  
Announcer dude- seeing as the blondes need CPR right now.we must postpone the show.see you in chapter two! 


	2. Blondes and Company in Distress

Inside The Life Of True Dumb Blondes  
  
Chapter 2: Blondes and Company in Distress  
  
::lights flash, bells ding, and Ashley and Brittney walk into the bed and collapse in agony::  
  
FLASHING MESSAGE- WE ARE SORRY TO REPORT THAT OUR ACTRESSES ARE CURRENTLY UNCONSCIOUS IN COMAS AND IN CRITICAL FATAL CONDITION.YET OUR STAND IN BLONDES WILL TAKE OVER  
  
::two brunettes wearing lopsided blonde wigs walk gracefully and sit on the bed::  
  
Ashlee- So hi Brittany how are you doing?  
  
Brittany- Why I am doing lovely, how are you?  
  
Ashlee- Just finishing up this summer reading that I had to do  
  
Brittany- Oh really? What book?  
  
Ashlee- Oh the classic Gone With The Wind  
  
Brittany- Oh I read that three times!!!!  
  
::out in the audience, people stare blankly (they're also blondes) at the fact that they are having a book discussion::  
  
::suddenly Ashlee grabs her earphone::  
  
Ashlee- ::whispering:: be blonde?? How can I be blonde? ...mm-hm...mm- hm.yessir..okay  
  
::glances towards Brittany.Brittany nods::  
  
Brittany- So like what like did like you like think like of like the like book like?  
  
Ashlee- Why like it like was like great like!  
  
Brittany- I like know like its like the like greatest like book like ever like!!!!  
  
::stout man runs onstage and makes crazy motions with arms::  
  
Brad- CUT CUT CUT CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! What are you ladies THINKING? That's not BLONDE that's BIMBO!!!!  
  
::they stare at him in acknowledgement::  
  
Brad- YOU HAVE TO ACT BLONDE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ashlee- Allrighty sir you got it!  
  
::Brad runs offstage.you hear from backstage "and.ACTION"::  
  
Brittany- So like Ashlee like what did you think of like the .::hesitates:: new Brad Pitt movie?  
  
Ashlee- Well.I mean OH MY GOODNESS it was like just..COOL and like Brad is so like.attractive!  
  
Brittany- Oh my GOSH ::glances at Ashlee.who looks at camera in fear:: I like KNOW like he is so like HOTT ::glances at Ashlee again::  
  
::Ashlee runs offstage::  
  
::voices from backstage::  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ACT BLONDE I AM NOT BLONDE THANK YOU VERY MUCH I PREFER TO CALL MYSELF A.SMART AND LOVELY AND ELOQUENT AND INTELLECTUAL PERSON AND I HAVE PRIDE IN THAT!"  
  
::blank stares from the audience::  
  
::Brittany cheers::  
  
Brittany- YOU GO ASHLEE WOO HOO!!!!  
  
::you hear a clang of a dish on the wall::  
  
"YOU ARE FIRED! HERE'S YOUR PINK SLIP!"  
  
Brittany- like.awesome.like.uhhhhh pink like..COOL hehe yeah!  
  
::Brad runs onstage::  
  
"AND YOU'RE FIRED TOO!"  
  
::you hear the clanging of high-heels on the hard wood floor::  
  
::Ashley and Brittney appear with crutches and neck braces::  
  
::the audience cheers and people throw roses::  
  
::Ashley and Brittney smile cheesily until a bouquet comes ricocheting down and hitting them in the head and knocking them out::  
  
::audience gasps::  
  
"CALL 911.OH WAIT THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!"  
  
"WHAT'S THE NUMBER???? THEY'RE HERE? WHA.."  
  
"::saying with sarcasm:: OH DIDN'T YOU HEAR? THERE'S A HOSPITAL NOW RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.THEY BUILT IT TWO MINUTES AGO."  
  
"OH WOW!...what's a hospital?"  
  
::person she was talking to throws hands up and switches camera off::  
  
"SORRY, BUT YOU DON'T WANNA SEE THIS." 


	3. The Urge to Murder

Inside the Life of True Dumb Blondes

Chapter 3: The Urge to Murder

::Ashley and Brittney walk onstage and stub their toes, and, of course, collapse::

Announcer- We are sorry to inform that—oh never mind

::Ashley and Brittney get up and limp to the bed::

Ashley- OW uh………so like hey britt-ney what are we gonna wear to like the pprroomm???

Brittney- Like I don't knoooooow like I gotta wear something to impress Tra-vis!

Ashley- Like I knooooow (even though we all know she doesn't) I gotta impress Cha-se!

Brittney- Like I knoooooow (even though we all know she doesn't)  Cha-se is soooo hot like I can't believe he asked YOU like why not me?……………………………………………….oh yeah I have a bf!

Ashley- Like you DO?  Like WOW!

::suddenly there is a huge crash………………………"I'm o-kay!"::

::an old man…………about the age of ………..hold on please::

…………

…………

…………

::85 appears onstage::

Brittney- Man he's ugly

Ashley- Yeah but he has billions of gagillions of fafillions of gabillions of trillions of zillions of ………..yen

Ashley- OH Clark Joe Peter Samuel Benjamin John Jacob Henry the THIRD where have you BEEN?

Brittney- Yeah Clark Joe Bob Billy George Patrick Steven the FIFTH where HAVE you been?

Ashley- Ugh Brittney like go away

Brittney- Like SORRY but like I **own** this lovely studio

Ashley- Like since when?

Brittney- Since I traded in my red Porsche for it……………I still have the black one

Ashley- Like nooo way that is soooo gen-I-us!!!

Brittney- Like I KNOW!

::Brad runs onstage::

Brad- HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

::Brittney runs to pick up phone::

Brittney- Oh HI BRAD!  

Brad- GET ON WITH IT

Brittney- Like okaaaay bye!

::Hangs up phone::

::Brad makes weird noises::

Brad- BYYYYYEEEEEEEE?  I'M NOT ON THE PHONE DIP **WE ARE SORRY TO INFORM THAT THIS MAN HAS CUSSED AND SEEING AS WE LIKE TO HAVE GOOD MORALS- THIS WORD IS CENSORED**

::Vaughn runs onstage::

::Vaughn taps Brad's shoulder::

::Vaughn whispers to Brad::

::Brad nods::

::Vaughn leaves::

Brad- BYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE?  I'M NOT ON THE PHONE DIP-DOON!

::Ashley and Brittney say simoultaneously::

"YOU KNOW GERMAN?"

Brad- **WE ARE SORRY TO INFORM THAT THIS MAN HAS CUSSED AND SEEING AS WE LIKE TO HAVE GOOD MORALS- THIS WORD IS CENSORED**

::A piano falls on Brittney::

::Ashley appears from backstage, hiding a pair of scisors behind her back::

Ashley- Du du du du du du du……lalala………oops why Brittney what-is-wrong?  Some-one-call-9-1-1!

::same person comes back from Chapter 2::

"WAIT WHAT'S THE NUMBER???????"

::the person is carried away by the security guards::

Ashley- UGH fine I'll call since nobody ELSE is smarttt enough  ::glares at Clark Joe Peter…something or other the THIRD::…………………………… ……..::Snore::

……………..

…………….

……………

::Clark……..dude has a spas attack::

Ashley- Oh fine BE THAT WAY ::Clark…….person snores again::

::Ashley walks offstage::

……………..

::a piano falls on Clark dude::

Ashley- OMIGOSH are you DEAD?????????

::feels heart::

Ashley- YES YOU ARE OMIGOSH WHOOPSIES ::rubs hands together:: hehehehe

::a dude in a tux walks onstage::

Tux-dude- Miss Ashley you have just gotten 40 billion gillion million fafillion mamillion gabillion fafillion yen

::a piano falls on Ashley::

::Brad comes out running::

Brad- ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY OUT COME ON COME ON COME ON OUT YA GO THAT'S IT THERE YOU GO RUN ALONG

::the studio is a ghost town::

::tumbleweed rolls across stage::

Brad- MOOOOOHAHAHA MOOOOOOOOHAHAHA 

::Brad takes off his….face?  oh well………….and reveals himself to be………….DR. EVILLLLLLLLL MOOOOOHAHAHA::

To be continued…………actually I'm just ending it here cuz its so stupid


End file.
